Is Arranged Marriage an Arrangement Built On Deceit?


Today as I came across an article on open relationships (read marriages), I could not stop myself from commenting on it. The writer went on the defensive and began to indulge in personal attacks. Now, this is a portal about real life relationships which is a bold topic and the writers that contribute such pieces need to take the feedback in the right manner.

During the course of probing and interrogation by various readers, the writer gave herself away. When I questioned her about her storyline, she was quick to retort with “Oh, this is an arranged marriage and one does not know about oneself until the marriage happens.” Really? If you don’t know about yourself (tendencies) before marriage, isn’t that strange?

This thought made me think about the farce of arranged marriages. Is an arranged marriage just an arrangement built on deceit? Why do parents palm off their defective pieces to others? Can’t they see that they are playing with another person’s life? It is like a market where parents go and note down the data and go about the interviews hurriedly as if there may be no tomorrow. In the bargain, some people end up with defective stuff and stigma (if they choose to leave the marriage).

Just to get the “Married tag”, one can go to any lengths. Parents are scared of the social stigma of housing children with special orientations, so they resort to unfair means to get their lot married. I know of people that were about to be married to schizophrenics and casanovas and had to call off the wedding at the last minute. When questioned, both sets of parents showed no signs of guilt and shame.

A house to call your own, someone to feed you, run errands for you, care for you, money to spend and more importantly since people allow the married to breathe in peace, such cheating in the name of marriage is happening in broad daylight. Does one have to wait till the marriage to understand his/her deficiencies and strange orientations?

And if they do want to lead a normal life, why not come clean before the marriage? The fear of it being called off or the stigma of people getting to know the reality of the person in question? Whatever it may be, it amounts to cheating.

No wonder the phrase ” Oh, it is an arranged marriage”, is doing the rounds in the society. Any marriage needs trust and has to be built on honesty. Do you think arranged marriages are getting defamed due to a few cheats? Can we stop this kind of deceit that goes by the name of “Arranged Marriage” in our society?


  1. Thanks for sharing this. Anything done out of anything beyond love I affirm and confirm on my own will always be questionable to me. But then again, our choices aren’t always the best for ourselves anyway because we can be blinded by other things. Preaching to self. 😉