Daisy had been crying since last night. The party had been good , so what had gone wrong? At the breakfast table, she quietly finished eating her toast and left for college in a haste. Was she avoiding me? All kinds of thoughts flashed in my mind . I decided to confront her this evening when she returned from college and went about my routine work silently. It was 6 pm and Daisy was not back yet, worried, I started calling up all her friends only to hear that she had left college two hours back. Where could she have gone? I waited for her trying to keep calm amidst my churning emotions. At last she walked in through the main door and came face to face with me. In my tensed up state , I could not utter anything. I was worried, had anything wrong happened with her, what was the reason behind her silence? After a pause which seemed like ages, she finally spoke, ” Mom, I feel inferior to most people in my life.” Now, this was not what I was expecting and felt confused. She continued speaking, ” All my life you have found faults with me, be it in my taste for clothes, the way I look and more.” I was stunned, it was as if a huge volcano within her had erupted , she continued talking , now with minimal pauses. Her last sentence had wounded the parent in me , she said” You have given me an inferiority complex which has resulted in low self esteem in me.” she covered her face, ran to her room and shut the door. I went to the kitchen to clear away the un eaten dinner from the kitchen counter.
The next morning I was sitting in my friends Clinic and narrated the happenings to her. She was a psychologist and had agreed to see me immediately after I had phoned her. We went back in time, when I was a child and I realized that my own childhood had been similar, my mother being a dominant lady, would constantly criticize me on the smallest of things. I had grown up with low self confidence myself and this was my closely guarded secret. My friend spoke to me at length and after a couple of months things were getting better as I started to let go of my stagnant thoughts.
How many of us do this on a daily basis? Sometimes with our own family, and at other times, with people we meet, without realizing the damage we are causing. Are we aware, how our children feel when we say things like, ” your dress looks bad , you look dark, apply more powder, you can’t do anything right?” The same statements can be said in a positive and encouraging way,” This is a nice dress, but the blue one looks lovely on you, a little more powder will make you look perfect, If you do not understand the instructions, please feel free to ask me your doubts.”
At social gatherings this is a very common feature. Commenting on peoples height, weight, color, clothes, social status, academic performance, marital problems, fertility problems and the list goes on. At a club, Harry and John were meeting after a long time.” what’s this in your hand?” Harry asked John, to which he replied,” my cervical neck collar”. At once John said, ” so, where is the chain for it, who takes you for a walk everyday?” This rude statement saw the end of their friendship. One should never get personal with people unless it is asked out of them. Often rude remarks create rifts between close ones to an extent where there are grudges.
Personal attacks are common everywhere. If parents understand this and raise their children with proper values, this world would certainly be a better place to live in. There would be lesser psychological problems, self esteem and self confidence would be good, leading to healthy interactions amongst people.
As for Daisy and me, we are creating a new relationship, we are close friends now.
Raise your child with care
Instilling tolerance from an early age
With balance and positivity
Leading to better adaptivity
